Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Setting the Hook

Aimee L. Salter - American YA writer, currently living in New Zealand
Contact:  aimeelsalter@gmail.com

My short synopsis / hook needs work!  Can you help?

Was previously:
Dani Hayes is about to find out she's the prophesised Seer - anticipated for thousands of years.  Two guys in her life stand on opposing sides of an immortal war asking Dani to choose.  But the line between good and evil blurs when choosing could mean her life, or the life of the guy she loves.

Is now:
A schizophrenic teen learns her delusions are actually second sight and two supernatural armies wait, hidden, for her to lead the world to their version of the truth.  But how will she choose a side when aligning herself could mean losing her own life, or the life of the man she loves?

Any thoughts / advice? 
Posted by at
Labels:

11 comments:

  1. AnonymousSeptember 30, 2010 at 4:09 AM

    Aimee, the second one is much better than the first. Have you checked out Nathan Bransford and Rachelle Gardner on queries etc?

    I am tied to the UK/Australian market at the moment and they are far less demanding than the US market, I think.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousSeptember 30, 2010 at 4:10 AM

    Sorry, by that I mean in terms of query/pitch.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AimeeLSalterSeptember 30, 2010 at 12:48 PM

    Hi Pru,

    Yes, I do follow Rachelle. I'll have to take a look at Nathan's. I haven't checked him out for this stuff. Rachelle's blogs on this a couple months back got me where I am now (with the new draft), but I'm still not sure it's right... *Sigh* - thanks for the Comments!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anthony L. IsomSeptember 30, 2010 at 8:26 PM

    Honestly, I prefer the first one Aimee. Simply because I believe that using names and terms directly is better. E.G. instead of "a schizophrenic teen", I want to hear "Dani Hayes." I want to know that these "two supernatural armies" both contain "two guys in her life" because its more personable. I want to care, immediately. Because, as a reader, I can care about someone with a name, instead of just someone.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AimeeLSalterSeptember 30, 2010 at 8:27 PM

    Thanks Adam, that's good advice. Sheesh! I hate these things...

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousSeptember 30, 2010 at 8:40 PM

    I agree with Adam. It's easier to care about a real person than it is an implied one. Plus I like the first story line better. You've got so much play room in it your plot could lead you anywhere! Has the man she loves always been in her life? Who's the other man? Oh, the places yu could go!

    ReplyDelete
  7. AimeeLSalterSeptember 30, 2010 at 8:43 PM

    Thanks Dawn, I appreciate you stopping by! Are you on Twitter?

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousSeptember 30, 2010 at 9:20 PM

    You're welcome! Yes, on Twitter I go by @SecretsWriter.

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousFebruary 6, 2013 at 6:54 PM

    If some one desires expert view concerning blogging and site-building after that i propose him/her to go to see this
    blog, Keep up the good work.
    My homepage : amazon prime

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousFebruary 20, 2013 at 10:45 PM

    Hello, Neat post. There is an issue together with your site in internet explorer, would check this?
    IE nonetheless is the market leader and a large part of folks will miss your wonderful writing because of this problem.


    Have a look at my website found here

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousNovember 30, 2014 at 1:44 AM

    e cigarette, ecig, vapor cigarette, e cig, smokeless cigarettes, electronic cigarette starter kit

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)