Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Setting the Hook

Aimee L. Salter - American YA writer, currently living in New Zealand

My short synopsis / hook needs work!  Can you help?

Was previously:
Dani Hayes is about to find out she's the prophesised Seer - anticipated for thousands of years.  Two guys in her life stand on opposing sides of an immortal war asking Dani to choose.  But the line between good and evil blurs when choosing could mean her life, or the life of the guy she loves.

Is now:
A schizophrenic teen learns her delusions are actually second sight and two supernatural armies wait, hidden, for her to lead the world to their version of the truth.  But how will she choose a side when aligning herself could mean losing her own life, or the life of the man she loves?

Any thoughts / advice? 


  1. Aimee, the second one is much better than the first. Have you checked out Nathan Bransford and Rachelle Gardner on queries etc?

    I am tied to the UK/Australian market at the moment and they are far less demanding than the US market, I think.

  2. Sorry, by that I mean in terms of query/pitch.

  3. Hi Pru,

    Yes, I do follow Rachelle. I'll have to take a look at Nathan's. I haven't checked him out for this stuff. Rachelle's blogs on this a couple months back got me where I am now (with the new draft), but I'm still not sure it's right... *Sigh* - thanks for the Comments!

  4. Honestly, I prefer the first one Aimee. Simply because I believe that using names and terms directly is better. E.G. instead of "a schizophrenic teen", I want to hear "Dani Hayes." I want to know that these "two supernatural armies" both contain "two guys in her life" because its more personable. I want to care, immediately. Because, as a reader, I can care about someone with a name, instead of just someone.

  5. Thanks Adam, that's good advice. Sheesh! I hate these things...

  6. I agree with Adam. It's easier to care about a real person than it is an implied one. Plus I like the first story line better. You've got so much play room in it your plot could lead you anywhere! Has the man she loves always been in her life? Who's the other man? Oh, the places yu could go!

  7. Thanks Dawn, I appreciate you stopping by! Are you on Twitter?

  8. You're welcome! Yes, on Twitter I go by @SecretsWriter.

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