Thursday, October 28, 2010

READER QUERY #2 - Livian. A Fairy's Tale

Please leave your feedback in the comments so the author can find it easily.

If you want to be in touch with the author directly, please email me. I'm happy to pass your details on so they can contact you if they wish.

I've got room for one more reader letter, if you're interested, email me.

Dear Agent,

Livian has been hunted ever since her birth without her hunter knowing of her existance. Her parents were brutally murdered soon after she was born by the evil army of unicorns possessed by the corrupted mind of Belial. Created within the forbidden love of a warrior fairy and a royal elf, cross-breeding has left the young girl without the wings or powers of either parent. She is held in secret by her only caretaker, her fairy grandfather, Inennious.

Hidden deep within the uncharted wood, they live away from all tribes as the child remains the most fragile being of creation. Her only links into the outside world are Elsa, the aging fairy that visits them, whom carries an endless torch for the elder Inennious, and the majestic dragons hidden within a cave near them that also fear their existence becoming knowledge of Belial's possession.

This is the journey of one special child's battle. The battle of self discovery, belonging, betrayal, grief, strength, and above all, faith.

I am seeking representation for my 73,450 word YA dark fantasy novel, “Livian. A Fairy's Tale” a book that gnarls the previous conceptions of fairies, elves, unicorns, as well as dragons and creates a world of warriors against blood thirsty armies as the balance of good versus evil breaks the scales. This is the first book of a plotted possible series.

I have ventured into the world of journalism, where I mainly covered the genre of stories showcasing good fighting through a world of evil, such as one man going completely green in his life as no one around wanted to be bothered with the hassle, or the happiest toddler that I have ever had the pleasure to meet, as he struggles for his life with a smile each day with a rare disease eating away inside of him. Writing is not a career, it is a passion. The greatest joy of being a writer is the reader's attachment. The highlight of many of my days has been a stranger hearing my name and starting a conversation about an article that they clipped and saved or knowing that several reprints had to be done of an issue with my article so that it could be used for information at a fundraiser. I want to give readers the same attachment over this novel as it relates to all of our own inner struggles of faith and belonging.



  1. The premise here sounds very intriguing.

    The first sentence doesn't really make sense. If the hunter doesn't know she exists, then how can he be hunting her?

    You may want to think about the number of characters you've introduced here. I bet you could find a way to pitch this idea only mentioning the MC and the antagonist.

    The third paragraph is great.

    I'd consider cutting the last paragraph.

    Good luck!

  2. I agree with Michelle that the 'hunter' sentence is confusing. I'd say rephrase, or cut it. There's a lot of words here about the story, but you're burying the important stuff:

    The protag is a cross-breed without powers, her parents were murdered and... but what's at stake? What will she have to overcome - and what will happen if she doesn't?

    In the last paragraph the only information that's important to this query is that you've been a journalist and had articles published. The personal experiences / passion don't add to this picture - everyone who writes a novel is passionate about writing. Keep the introductory letter as brief as possible and leave them curious and wanting more.

    Good luck!

  3. I would agree with Michelle in trimming down characters. Tightening the details in the first two paragraphs may also help with the flow. The last paragraph is a bit wordy. Again, trimming/tightening unneccesary details might help.

    Definitely sounds like your letter is on the right track!

    Good luck!

  4. You guys are awesome... Love the input...ANYTHING that is even iffy- throw it at me! Thanks so much, and thank you Aimee for this chance to get opinions!

  5. My pleasure, glad you're finding it helpful. Thanks for being involved!

  6. I think there's too much background about Livian and not enough about what she's going through. Who is hunting her? Why? Most importantly, you should mention the event that starts her journey. Good luck. It sounds interesting.

  7. Okay you guys! Thank you so much for the wonderful input. I have just rewritten my query. Hopefully, this is JUST what I needed. I am much more impressed with what I have now. If any of you would like to give the revision a go, feel free to email me I do thank you so very much, Aimee for this chance to get advise, but assume it would be too much to flood your blog in comment with the do-over.. LOL. Thank you all! (fingers crossed)