Setting the Hook

Aimee L. Salter - American YA writer, currently living in New Zealand
Contact:  aimeelsalter@gmail.com

My short synopsis / hook needs work!  Can you help?

Was previously:
Dani Hayes is about to find out she's the prophesised Seer - anticipated for thousands of years.  Two guys in her life stand on opposing sides of an immortal war asking Dani to choose.  But the line between good and evil blurs when choosing could mean her life, or the life of the guy she loves.

Is now:

A schizophrenic teen learns her delusions are actually second sight and two supernatural armies wait, hidden, for her to lead the world to their version of the truth.  But how will she choose a side when aligning herself could mean losing her own life, or the life of the man she loves?

Any thoughts / advice? 

Draft Query Letter

Dear (NAME)

Sheridan “Dani” Hayes arrives at the prestigious Saint Matthews Preparatory High School with only one plan: Appear normal. But ‘normal’ can be tricky when you see things no-one else can see, and know things no-one told you.

Formerly shunned by her peers, when Dani is adopted by Saint Matthews’ most elite, it seems too good to be true. Especially when the incredible Carl Morgan can’t keep his eyes off her and resident adonis, Adam Wallace, spars with Carl for Dani’s attention.

Confused by their interest and suspicious of their motives, Dani investigates. She learns her new admirers stand on opposite sides of a supernatural war, vying for her heart because they know wherever she goes, the world will follow. Dani is the prophesied Seer, anticipated since Creation.

Now, as everything she thought was real turns out to be illusion and the craziest parts of her life are proved true, Dani is forced to make a choice.

But the line between right and wrong blurs when either choice could mean death for herself, or the man she loves.

GOOD MONSTERS is a Young Adult / Urban Fantasy, complete at 80,000 words and free of any cursing or sexual content. It is the first of three books following Dani Hayes as she comes to terms with love and her own unique purpose – in the middle of the eternal battle between good and evil.

I have attached [pages / content as per agent submission guidelines] for your consideration. May I send you the entire manuscript?

Kind regards,



Aimee L. Salter
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Thoughts friends?