For the month of February I'm taking the #AuthorConfession challenge. Day 2 is "What's the Worst thing you've written?"
Here's just a couple examples:
"As I stepped up the center aisle I peeked out from under my bangs to see if I could identify the person I’d be spending a semester copying from and found myself frozen in the glorious gaze of Carl’s warm brown eyes. I swallowed again, this time to move my heart back down to its correct anatomical position. I tried not to walk faster, but the relief was overwhelming. Carl saw me coming and smiled, which required another severe swallow to keep my heart in place."
"Michelle couldn’t believe it when Carl took his shirt off. He was such a show-off! And she hated how her pulse raced and her stomach starting flipping around as she took in the perfection that was everything about him. She swallowed hard and glared to hide her attraction. He needed to get a grip!"
Lesson? Adverbs, exclamation marks, and purple-prose do not a compelling story make. My characters sound years younger than they are, and the descriptions of around around them often sound as if they fell out of a ridiculous SNL sketch (not the good ones).
When it comes to descriptors and scene setting, less is more, Aimee. Less. Is. More.