I've been having trouble with spam-robot-clicker-commenters on my blog, so am deleting and reposting some of the older, popular content they seem to have connected to.
As you were.
I do a lot of critiquing for unpublished writers. I also do a lot of critiquing for published and repped writers. There's one crucial difference I see almost every time:
As you were.
I do a lot of critiquing for unpublished writers. I also do a lot of critiquing for published and repped writers. There's one crucial difference I see almost every time:
Unpublished writers often haven't learned to trust the reader's ability to gather what's going on. Even the very good ones often show the plot, character development, emotion, etc, then proceed to tell the reader how to interpret it.
What do I mean by that? Example:
"Come with me," Carl said, so quietly I wondered if I'd imagined it. He leaned closer, lips at my ear. "Come with me." His fingers closed on my arm, as if he could force me. Drag me along.
"I can't." It came out broken, betraying my desire to follow. I never wanted to let him go.
"You can-"
"No, Carl, you don't understand!" I stepped back, out of his hands, away from his lips. "They killed my mother. If they find out we're together, they'll kill you too." My voice shook, but I couldn't make it stronger. I was too afraid. Too desperate for him to find another answer that would let us stay together.
Carl eye's narrowed. "I can take care of myself. And you," he said, seemingly willing to dismiss my mother's death.
Now, read that again without the bolded, "telling" sentences:
"Come with me," Carl said, so quietly I wondered if I'd imagined it. He leaned closer, lips at my ear. "Come with me." His fingers closed on my arm.
"I can't." It came out broken.
"You can-"
"No, Carl, you don't understand!" I stepped back, out of his hands, away from his lips. "They killed my mother. If they find out we're together, they'll kill you too." My voice shook, but I couldn't make it stronger.
Carl eye's narrowed. "I can take care of myself. And you," he said.
It's the kind of writing tip you have to practice, but here some clues:
1. Using the words "as if".
2. Use the word(s) "seemed / seemingly / seems to".
3. Using the name of an emotion.
If you're using any of these in the process of describing the POV character's interpretation of another character, you might be telling the reader what to see. Now, obviously there are several situations in which these phrases or words can be used legitimately, but keep the above examples in mind. Train your eye to look for explanation, then delete it wherever possible.
And here's more food for thought: If you remove statements like those bolded above and the reader can't interpret what's going on, the problem is in your showing. Don't fall into the trap of explaining. Figure out how to make it clear in the action or dialogue, not author narration.
Your Turn: Are there any other words or phrases you think writers could search their manuscripts for to identify "telling"?
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